Hatred is definitely taught. I hated looking at myself in the mirror and in photographs. Who would have thought that I would be posting selfies on a daily in 2020 🤔
I wonder if I looked as horrendous back then as I thought I did.
I also discovered that my issues didn't start in boarding school. Good to know.
I need to work on forgetting stuff. I have memories of late night conversations at the small hostel's big dormitory, where Nomusa Mbongwa and her crew used to enjoy bashing my appearance regularly.
They were just kids with issues. I was an easy target, that's all. I used to sleep on a wet pillow every night because of all the crying. (It wasn't just the 'ugly and fat' comments from the mean girls but the sis'Thenjiwe-Miss Zitha stare down every afternoon at the showers. What grown women do that to preteen girls?)
Anyway, I remember Nosipho Ngubane defending me one night to her crew. Such empathy warms my heart.
Hey boarding school is hard, especially when you have 5 other siblings. You are guaranteed not to have cute, fancy clothes, snacks for 80% of the school term, visitors bringing you KFC and stuff.
Poverty gets amplified when you are among the well-off. Add a bad skin, plumpness and shyness....
I survived. Focusing on my school work is what I was good at. I enjoyed being at school vs being at the hostel
I only got the courage to tell my mom recently just how awful the boarding part of high school was and luckily she is forgetful these days. I would hate for my parents to think that their best efforts at giving us a good education were hurtful and harmful to us.
Hurt people hurt people. Mean girls have deep wounds that they don't know how to heal from.
I know that I can withstand negativity, but I don't want to ever tolerate it in my life in any way ever again.
I made some lekker friendships in high school and I occasionally chat with my former mates. It's all good.
So mantombazane asesgodlo, ngithi kini nje 'CD/MM enter GO enter'
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